Abortion -- Orphan -- American

(picture: my foster mother and I)

Today I spent 3 hours “interviewing” my birth mother to learn about my past. I was almost brought to tears a couple times but held them in. Some of the information I’ve heard before and a lot of it was new and quite intriguing… I was almost aborted, was declared an “orphan” after I was born, and then became an “American.” Crazy huh?!?

Here’s how it all went down:

* BM = Birth mother, BF = Birth father

1. My BM and BF met 2 years before they got pregnant with me. My BM worked at a restaurant and my BF came in one night and ate there.

2. When they got pregnant, my BM asked my BF’s family if they could marry but they couldn’t because she was 3 years older than him. Her and my BF ended up separating and she had to deal with the pregnancy all by herself.

3. She tried to get an abortion but she couldn’t economically and a little bit mentally. She saw an advertisement about adoption and called the number and talked to a social worker.

4. The only people who knew she was pregnant were my BF and his family. She kept it a secret from her family.

5. She was in labor 24hrs with me and when I was born, the social worker said “it’s a daughter,” let my BM give me a hug, and took me away. In my adoption papers, I was declared an “orphan” and then was put with a foster mother who gave me the name “Min Jin”

6. She was at a “dongbang” which is kind of like a salvation army a month before and after I was born. Her support system during the pregnancy were other unmarried pregnant women she met at the “dongbang.”

7. After I was born, my BM told her mother she was pregnant but “lost” the baby. My grandmother made my BM and BF move in together since they had a baby together. They got pregnant with my brother, Mun Hyuk and kept him because they were living together and should raise the baby together. People thought they were married so I guess it was more “acceptable” to raise a baby now.

8. She got pregnant AGAIN but had an abortion because he couldn’t raise another child and she thought she already had a daughter and son.

9. My Birth parents got divorced because my BF was having affairs with several women.

10. When she knew I was coming to Korea in 1994, she told everyone the truth and they were supportive of her.

From then to now, she lived with a guy, had an “arranged” marriage, and met her current boyfriend (she’s not married to him) through internet chatting

From then to now, my BF was with the woman he had an affair with, then my half sister’s mother, then another woman, and now his current woman (I don’t know if they’re married or not).

This was some crazy stuff to hear. I was shocked, happy, sad, confused, and a dozen other emotions… but this is why I came to Korea. To get the TRUTH.

I’m going to “interview” my BF so it’ll be interesting to hear his side of the story …

After they left, I wanted to ball my eyes out but didn’t. Instead, I let all of this information soak in as I scarffed down a pepperoni pizza :)

Min Jin LIVE!

Addendum:

1. It's Jessica Martin now not Jessica Composto... sorry Jess!

2. My anxiety issues are only with the Korean Language - it kind of sounded like I was having anxiety with Korea! not so much .... just speaking the language :)

Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/user/megshep09

Chuseok @ YBM ECC Mokdong

CHUSEOK is the Korean Thanksgiving. This and the Lunar New Year are Korea's two most celebrated Holidays... So at ECC we made "songpyeon" which is a rice cake, did a "manners class" to learn how to bow and the kids played the game "yut."

(Kindergarten - Spain Class)

(Kindergarten - Australia Class)

(Jackie, Chelea, and I)

(Anne- my boss, Hailey, and I)

(Me as a lil' tike and at 26 wearing the Traditional Korean Hanbok)

Dear Diary ....

Dear Diary,

This last week was both uneventful and eventful. Thanks to facebook.com, Wednesday I met up with a friend of a friend from High School (Shinano) because she saw me on facebook and figured I had to be a Korean adoptee like her. We had pajeon (Korean pizza) and while we chatted for over 2 hours, I picked out the squid legs from the pajeon. It was great to talk to someone here who’s going through the same stuff as I am as an “adoptee.”

We’ve both met our biological family and are here to reunite and spend time with them and we both don’t know Korean and struggle with the language barrier. Our thoughts, emotions, experiences are a bit different but same at the same time. I’m sure we’ll get together again! Now I have someone who can relate to the buttslaps and the force feeding!!!

On Thursday, I went with a Korean Teacher, Eunice, and we got our nails did! It brought me back to grade school when I would have a different color of nail polish on each nail. That’s a big trend here now so I guess I was ahead of the game in fashion for once. I toyed with many different colors and landed on a light purple. It’s different and a bit soft at the same time… after that pampering, I have a feeling I’m going to find an even bigger obsession with my nails.

The weekend consisted of Korean classes, studying, running, and going to N. Seoul Tower on top of Namsan Mountain.

I have a serious case of performance anxiety when it comes to speaking Korean. I don’t like doing things I’m not good at so it’s hard for me to practice and it sounds good in my head but when I try to speak it, it comes out horrible. So I need to use some of my athletic counseling skills… on myself!

Mun Hyuk, my Korean Teacher friend Chelsea who speaks English, and I went to N. Seoul Tower on Saturday. We took the cable car up and walked around, had a coffee and took some pictures. It was very cool and good sober fun for a Saturday night. I told my brother I wanted to fly him to the USA when I come home next July. So it’s really going to happen and my friends and family back in Minnesota can meet him which I’m excited about.

So I had a good weekend of being social and relaxing. This week is a full week and then we have a long weekend because of Chuseok (Korean Thanksgiving) so I’m looking forward to that!

I’m trying to do more cardio besides walking to work so I’m on a “run 2 miles every other day” kick… we’ll see how long that lasts.

Until next time,

Min Jin

More picture: http://community.webshots.com/user/megshep09

* Friday I gained an appreciation for “bar close” because it tells you you’re drunk and have to go home. I had dinner with co-workers and then was drinking till after 3am. Needless to say the next day I felt like “dong.”

* Teachers are leaving, new ones are here … so it’s a sad and happy time so it was worth the hangover.

* “When in Rome” I’m not a fan of going to a restaurant with all foreigners. Despite the chicken fingers and honey mustard sauce I had to cure my hangover, I wasn’t feeling the vibe even though I was around people that I’ve been used to for the past 26 yrs of my life. Weird huh?!?!

* “Yagu” aka baseball (well softball) was introduced to my sister this weekend. I tried to show her the way… and she didn’t do half bad for a first timer. My brother showed me his skills – he had some strong points and then looked a bit uncoordinated at other times. The hardest I threw was about 60% at one point and I guess I hurt my brother’s finger. Oops! It was wicked funny though b/c I got to see more of my siblings’ personalities. Mun Hyuk was playing “catcher” and giving me signs and animating the umpire “strrriiikke.” We got through the language barrier just fine. Softball is softball no matter what country you’re in.

* After dinner w/ birth father and his wife, we went for a stroll along a stream and saw a fountain light show which was neat. Then we came back, I got a mini physical from my step- mom --- she was squeezing my arms and legs and was like “ahh good” but then she squeezed the belly and it was “not so good” ... It looked like she was reading my palm and then she started talking… Korean Korean Korean “dong” Korean Korean and gave a little poke to the top of my poop shoot. Yeah that was uncomfortable… but then my sister gave me a massage (aka cracking my back and then pound it to death) which surprisingly feels good.

* My brother and I are meeting at 7:00pm at Chungmuro Subway next Saturday to have dinner and then see Namsan Tower (Similar to the tower in Seattle). We communicated that all by ourselves! Woop woop!

* Birth mother gave me more clothes and they are becoming less hideous. Two shirts have “RAFFIA” written about 4 times. No idea what it means but that’s fashion around here.

A fun weekend to close out August and start September!

More pictures: http://community.webshots.com/user/megshep09

A Typical Day ...

8:45am-9:00am Wake up and nudge myself between my hwajangshil (toilet) and sink and take a shower.

9:05am-9:30am Dry my hair and put my make-up on in my kitchen/laundry room and make achi'm (breakfast) - Cheesy eggs and ham

9:30-9:50am Walk to work; Walk by portrait studio seeing all the cute baby pics and a gauntlet of women passing fliers out who I reject everyday

10:00-11:15am Transform into "Meghan Teacher" and get ready for the first two classes (kindergarten- Phonics)

11:15-12:35pm Be impressed at the little tikes that can speak dang good English; do my best not to smack others around that are being little poopheads.

12:35-1:15pm Sit with my kidy class for lunch – listen to the girls saying they have a stomach ache and then it becomes contagious and EVERYONE has a stomach ache so they can stop eating…. At first I just let them do what they want. Now, I tell them if they have a stomach ache, they must be too sick to have playtime.. it’s amazing how they suddenly feel better. Then my student Grace will ask if she can stop eating and then she’ll say 10 more bites. Which ultimately forces her to finish her food. I watch her along w/ everyone else shove as much rice into their mouth as they can and some of them even make themselves gag. It’s so cute to see their chipmunk cheeks but not so cute when they look like they’ll throw up or try and talk with their mouth full.

1:15-7 or 8pm Prep for classes, get out of the school and get a snack (Kimbop for W1,000) review my own English skills (prepositions, adverbs, etc), teach 3-6 more classes, check my mail kushipo times (95).

8:00pm As soon as the last bell rings, I’m outta there. Walk home – it’s nice except when a guy on a bike came up and said “sexy?” – I said know under the assumption he wanted a lil’ somethin something and he rode away. If he tried harder, it wouldn’t have taken much to beat him up b/c he was just a little guy.

8:30pm I get to my door and punch my 4 digit code in (I dont carry any keys here)– open the door with hesitation b/c ONE time I opened it and dang near had a heart attack b/c my birth father was in my apartment!!!

8:31- 10pm - Turn the AC on, make some chonyok (dinner) - chicken nuggets w/ spaghetti sauce and salad (no noodles) or a chicken nugget salad – trying not to eat rice or noodles at home, teach myself hanguk (Korean), write a draft for a potential book, watch Korean TV

11-12am Put on either my pink or blue stripped mickey mouse pj’s that my birth mother sewed for me (not so sexy), put in one of my DVDs, and fall asleep eventually.

(6yr old Kindy class - field trip to Ecology Museum)

Tomorrow, I see you? 4 o’clock Miasamgeori Station? Yes ~ No

Note: No mention of bowel movements in this blog… sorry! Haha..

Even though it’s still hard to connect with my birth mother, I figured I needed to try. I need to start not relying on my cousin to communicate and I wanted to prove to myself I could spend time with my birth mother without Mun Hyuk or my cousin and feel comfortable.

So I text her on Saturday asking “Tomorrow, I see you? 4 o’clock Miasamgeori Station? Yes ~ No)” She apparently got what I was saying and we ended up meeting on Sunday.

It was just us in a car. My Lonely Planet Korean Phrasebook, a notebook, and a pen.

I am forcing to try and speak Korean even though I hate doing things I’m not good at. I asked “husband, where?” and she said he was at brother’s house. Then I asked his name since it’s been two months and I didn’t know it yet. It’s Jo, Sung Soo. My birth mother speaks limited broken English which is good. Then I asked when her birthday was because that was a homework assignment from my Korean Lessons. She told me in Korean and it’s Sept 25, 1958. She showed me my text message and all the things wrong with my hangul. I asked if she worked today and she said only Monday-Saturday. I was having surprisingly a good time.

We went to E-Mart and she proceeded to buy me $70 worth of groceries, a pair of shoes, and a shirt. Her and I are alike when it comes to grocery shopping because we both look at expiration dates and choose the longest lasting product. However, I don’t think that’s genetic because it wasn’t until after I worked at Kwik Trip (the gas station) that I cared. It breaks my heart since I know she’s poor but I think this is her way of showing she cares. I’ve tried to pay and keep saying thank you and she gives the “don’t be ridiculous look and say thank you. That’s what I’m here for” look.

Then we went to Sung Soo’s brother’s house because I think every Sunday, they go there and play this card game. “It’s custom” my birth mother said. I have NO idea what the game’s objective was but it was fun to watch. I learned my aunts’ and uncles’ names and the how names work.

Person: (Last Name, Given Name, Given Name) ---- SEE A PATTERN?

Birth Mother: Huh, Hyun Ok
Her sister: Huh, Kui Ok
Her brother: Huh, Pyeong Sup
Her brother: Huh, Rung Sup

Step Father: Jo, Sung Soo
His brother: Jo, Tong Soo
His sister: Jo, Mee Sook
His brother: Jo, Kyeong Soo
His brother: Jo, Yeong Soo
His sister: Jo, Hye Sook

Then I attempted to ask about my Korean name: Kim, Min Jin. I wrote it and circled “Kim” and said “Father” because that is his last name. Then I circled “Min Jin” and wrote “why?” She looked at my phrasebook and pointed to “babysitter” and after a horrible drawing, I THINK my foster mother gave me the name “Min Jin.” I’ll ask Aram to clarify.

This was something I knew I’d be uncomfortable with because I have always felt uneasy around my birth mother but it was something I had to do. It turned out to be a great day and I think we got to know each other. However, it still absolutely SUCKS sitting in a car with so many questions and so many things to say and just having to sit there silent.

I’m going to “interview” her with my cousin to translate and that will be incredibly valuable. Hopefully soon so a lot of questions can be answered.

Holiday Weekend

Thursday night I sat outside the GS25 (convenience Store) basically in my pajamas with my co-worker Jackie. We drank the bottle of wine I got for a present from my brother’s yeoja chingu (girlfriend), had oreo’s, pringles, and then a liter of Cass Lite (maek-ju). It was a good evening especially for only W5,000 ($5.00)!!!

Friday I went on the hunt for a pillowcase since I still hadn’t found one. I found out they don’t have cheap, cotton pillowcases like they do in the good ol’ USA. The only thing I found was W12,500 and it is a nice, fabric case and you zip your pillow in it. Out of all the hideous patterns, I found one that semi-matches my comforter… and then I realized it doesn’t matter b/c 90% of things don’t match here and it’s considered “cool.”

Then I was walking home and I ran into Jackie and another co-worker so we went to a DVD Room and watched a movie. It’s on the 3rd floor of a building and you pick a DVD and there are a bunch of rooms that seat 2-3 people and you watch it in private for W18,000. Not a bad deal. I just hoped to god that the store owner sanitizes the leather sofas religiously because who knows who or what did what one day…. We watched “Enchanted” and it was a cute chick flick. Nothing to write home about (even though I kinda am).

Saturday I ran for the first time in a while with my handy mask to cover my face from pollution. Then I met my family to celebrate my step-father’s birthday. Saeng-il Ch’uk’a Haeyo (HAPPY BIRTHDAY)! It only took me two days to practice and it came out ok :)

After dinner, I went to Insadong with brother, his girlfriend, and his chingu (who always shows up randomly – I think my mom wants to set us up or something). We went to an arcade and I outlasted everyone in a shooting game. Not sure if I’m too proud of that. Then I raced my brother in a car game and I SUCKED. It felt foreign getting behind the wheel again… cant imagine how it’s going to feel in 10 months…

Then we went to Cheonggyecheon which is a waterway that runs through Seoul. The Olympic Baseball game was playing on a big screen – Korea vs. Japan. That was cool to see the support and woo hoo for Korean winning.

Sunday I planned to do nothing when I woke up just before 11am. Then I got a text from my birth father in Korean so I spent damn near an hour trying to figure out what he was saying. I actually figured it out so I was kinda proud of myself. Then he sent another one and my confidence was again crushed because I had no idea what it meant. My cousin ended up calling and I went to his house for lunch (chopchae and bbq meat – YUMMY)

(pictures: top - Step-father's 3 brothers/1 sister and significant others, middle - Cheonggyecheon, bottom - Chingu, yeoja chingu (girlfriend), dongsaeng (younger sibling), Min Jin)

Blast from the Past

(rough translation: Min Jin, lunch eat Hongje Subway station)

When I was at my birth father’s house sitting on his floor in his kitchen with 5 other people, he took out pictures I had sent in 1994 and the scrapbook I made him in 2002. It was a blast from the past. Seeing letters I wrote him translated. Seeing what my favorites, likes/dislikes, and goals were when I was a sophomore in college. Seeing my poodle perm from the 3rd grade … it was crazy!

I got a weird feeling seeing all of that and thought it was incredibly cool that he kept everything. It was amazing seeing the pictures when I was 12yrs old wearing ugly glasses and a Charlotte Hornets t-shirt uniting for the first time with my brother who was swimming in the University of Minnesota sweatshirt we got him for a gift (because has shorter than me – which didn’t last long).

We have come so far from there and all of us have changed so much… and now we’re all sitting at a table eating a meal, scrambling to use whatever props we can to communicate (books, cell phones, hand gestures) and are getting to know the “real” people we have become.

It was great … and I didn’t even freak out when my step-mom gave me the butt slap.

(attempted translation: "lunch, I cooked")

Language Lesson: Korean's word order is backwards. Instead of saying "I want to eat lunch" (Subject --> Verb --> Object) you say "I lunch eat want to" (Subject -->Object --> Verb) ... hence why this language is a bitch to learn.

Pee-Pee vs. Shee Shee

(Hye Lim (Brother's Girlfriend) and I at Palgukjeong - top of mountain w/ great view of Seoul)

Tonight I had an intellectual conversation with my birth mother, brother, his girlfriend, and Jamie (our English speaking friend). We talked about “dong” which is “poop” in Korean and I taught them some very important English words – “pee pee” and “poop.” I phonetically broke down how to say the word “poop” which was the first time in my life I’ve had to do that. Then my birth mom was sitting saying “pee pee” and “p – oo – p” quietly to herself to practice… Needless to say we were all laughing hysterically.

In Korea to say “pee-pee” it’s “shee shee” because that’s what it sound like coming out.

I’m 26 years old (27 in Korea) and the “pee pee” and “poop” conversations/jokes still never get old :)